Summertime

Summertime
Originally uploaded by jjjanelle.

If I was still in Arizona it would be the first day of summer still, although I am not so I am about 40 minutes past it. I must say it was a day of summer. Some things that make me think of summer are peaches, lemonade, and mowing the lawn. I did eat a peach, and have some lemonade, but I did not make it to mowing the lawn, but plan on doing that tomorrow. I think that it really is summer all year long in Tempe, so it is hard for me to get excited about the sunshine, or the 90 degree temperatures like most of the people here. I am even at the point where I did not think that it was hot. I do enjoy the summer days. It is like a sunshine day... I think I will go for a walk outside... the summer sun's calling my name... EVERYBODY's smiling... Sunshine day!
I would listen to Summertime by Mae, and I also enjoyed to make other because it was the summer solstice.
"Here we are, here we are,
windows down we see a falling star.
Stop the car.
Waiting for nothing but our beating hearts, going far.

Oh, the summertime.
So feel the air, feel the air,
take the map and point to anywhere.
I don't care. Fingers through your hair,
the sky I've seen is blue and green.
Oh, the summertime."

It was just like the days of clear skies that you were able to see the stars, just like all the years I remember. The air crisp and clean. I was riding my bike, and it just seemed like a day for anything. I think that summertime is about that. It was also one of those days that anything could happen and it makes it just perfect.
It is interesting that for me that little thing was being called something by someone that I wasn't used to hearing. It was set, but I just am not used to being referred to by that name that is set aside. It was like a summertime feeling that came over me and meant so much, even though I never thought that I would because of one word.
Oh the Summertime!

cut open the cricle...

Summer is going faster than it came. In so many ways I am glad about this, but in others I am not. I have just been working a mindless job at the coal mine. I drive a 240 ton haul truck. Somedays it is filled with coal, other days dirt. It is like the circle of no return. People that work out there do it end up there for the rest of their lives. The benefits are good, and considering the challenge of work (no much) the pay is good. My dad has worked out there and done driven truck for 16 years, and after a mere 8 days of 12 hour shifts, driving alone, my respect level and appreciation for what he gives me has gone up. He knows that he doesn't want his kids out there, but he does it in order to provide more for us. I am able to go to college, and do things because of him. It is a circle of trucks with no end, or return because the guys that work out there do so to provide or because they do no have education, so a haul truck anyone with half a mind could drive is what they do. The hardest thing for me about it, is that you can't even have a decent conversation with the people out there because they do not think. It is a the WYOMING, Republican outlook on life and there isn't much past getting a new lumber store in town. It is one of the most narrow minded places I have been. It is like the people are scared to go against what is told of them, and that they don't know better since the majority start when they are around 20 and leave then they are old enough, or have enough years in to retire. I must admit that if it wasn't for the coal mines, Wyoming would be nothing. They are the biggest resource, and provide the most money for the economy. I know that the company I am now working for provides me with money for college, with a scholarship last year and then again one this year if I complete the entire summer SAFELY. It is like they are trying to provide outlets to get the family members something better. I know that the jobs out there can't last forever, sooner or later the coal will be gone. Each day I think about a more productive way of removing the coal that would be quicker and not as much damage to the land.
For now though I am glad for the chance to make the money, and to help provide Wyoming with its life. I know that I have a limited time to drive in circles, and that my last day is marked on the calendar, but for others it isn't. I have to return to the life that I would rather live.

Mind Fear

I think that I am one of those people that like to create their own fear. I am not scared during movies, or when I honestly should be, but I am scared when I do it to myself. I am afraid of the dark. One of my friends used to tell me that I am not afraid of the dark itself but what is in the dark. I am beginning to think that it is is more what I think is there, that isn't. It is like I create stories about this or that. I am not scared when I see someone out there, or when a murder escaped from jail, but more when I thought I heard someone, or saw something move, most likely the wind. It is like creating your own joy, or sadness. The little things that are in my head scare me the most (well along with roller coasters but that is a different point). I am like the dog that is scared of its own shadow in the glass, but not the dog that could bite its head off, or is twice its size... The little phrases that are said can only add to it... like tonight when my friend was like yeah I am a little scared to because we are next to the interstate. It was just a million thoughts that ran through my head. It is like all of the possibilities that could happen in the dark are happening in my head. Fear is created through the spark in my mind that tells me I am to be afraid, although it isn't so much a fear of nothing, but as a fear finding out (being curious) if there is something more.

exchanging halves

I have been working on cleaning out my closet and my drawers in my room at my parents house, so that I can unpack all of my things I brought back with me. It is much more effort than I thought. I have so much CRAP! I am seriously getting rid of more of it than I probably should, but I just want to make space. But when I was cleaning out some jewelry boxes, I kept finding old friends, or best, or forever charms. A lot of halves to friendships. It is just interesting to me that I no longer remember who has the other half to more than 7 out of the 10 I found. I don't want to write a lot of things about it because I fear that I might be the one that has changed, but it always seems easier to blame the other person. I would like to say that of the 3 I know who has the other half, I still have communication with the girl, but that isn't the case. It wasn't just in the time that I went to college out of state that I lost connection with these people, it was when we were growing up, just across a small town. I would like to trace back each of the 10 people, that hold the other halves and rekindle the friendship, that once had a necklace, because it was so dear, but there if there was 10 of them, how special were they to me even at the time. One I know who hold the other part would not even think of talking to me know, because I did change. I am sure I have changed since college also, but what about the things that drew us together in the first place. I haven't thought of what I am going to do with all the half friendships I hold. Maybe save them, but probably not. I will probably just remember that if someone I have a connection with, I just should not let them slip away, and that the halves should make a whole more than when the dust is uncovered.

Check it Off the List

I am a planner... I am not going to lie about it... I make lists, for my lists... I draw diagrams of how to place things... I make up schedules... I just have to have things organized, and planned out. It is hard for me to just go and do something unless I have planned the time for it. I should be way better at time management, but the time I don't plan I waste. It just is so frustrating to me when things could along and ruin my plans that I have had set, and written out for far in advance. I just think that the rest of the world needs to be like me and think about it. I will drop all my plans, and schedules if something for someone else comes up, but I just wish that I would not have to. It seems like I am too compromising (a weakness from below) about things like that. I suppose everything works out in the end, and it is probably just a lesson I am suppose to learn, that things work out even if they are not planned, because it is all out of my hands...
I will still plan.... lists will always cover my desk, wall, and head.... I just need to work on not stressing or freaking out about my plans being changed....

Pack Up and Leave

I hate packing! I always have. I don't understand why you would want to "pack" or rather CRAM items that you need into a small space. I usually do it the night before I go anywhere, or usually in the morning I am leaving. That won't be MUCH different this time, except that will just be into the car. I have so many things that I have to get into my car. Some how I have gathered a lot of things in these 9 months. Some of the things I have NO NO NO clue where they came from or how I got them, but over all I have a lot of trash. Items I collect and save with good intentions I am sure.
I really would like to donate everything I have to the needy. The problem with this would be that I would just benefit from it by having to get new things when I get home. It would not be the act of love that I would hope for it to be. I would also benefit from it because I would not have to figure out how to pack everything into things that are later packed into my car. It is like the process of giving to get out of things, which isn't the best of ideas.
So I go back to the dread of packing. I will get it done, just in time to hit the road.

NoonVille

I think that I have come to find that I like the world that begins before noon. It is a different world. I seriously think that at noon, the world changes. In the morning there are less people out. This means lines are shorter, workers are more cheerful, things are just not overall as stressful. Stores are not scattered with the merchandise, they are still on shelves, or racks. One week days, kids are in school, weekends they are sleeping in. I think that the world before noon is just a better world. When I went to the DMV, before noon the line was shorter, and people were not in as much of a hurry, but as the time passed and it was afternoon, the world turned around. When I went to the grocery store around nine am, the crowd were older people, and they would say sorry if they hit you with their carts, which yes this did happen.
All over I have come to find that I enjoy the world before noon, mostly in the citu.

Weak me Up

I have remembered that it is a lot easier for me to write things than the speak them. Hint the name of my blog.... because I say things that I shouldn't, or just in a tactless way.
School is almost ending, and I am still way behind on everything for just about any class. I really need to work on my weaknesses...
From a personality test that I took a few weeks ago some of them were....
Indecisive
Lacks self-motivation
Hard to get moving
Resents being pushed
Indifferent to plans
Too compromising
Priorities get out of order
Scares others off
Has restless energy
Makes excuses
Yes there are MANY more, and the majority of all of them hold true.
So I am confused on how I should make myself a better person.... do I need to make my strengths, stronger or turn my weaknesses into strengths? Or do I accept that this is who I am, and that neither are going to change.
Does it mean something that I have three personalities, I ranked in 3 of them all so closely. I think it means I am a combination of all 3, but normally you are only of 2. Maybe I am still discovering this new person that I am becoming....
It seems like I am able to except all of the weaknesses, but have problems excepting the strengths...
Maybe I just need to write again, get into my thoughts, and know that something will come of the person I am becoming. Maybe I should give it time to grow and work on just being the strengths I want to be, and getting rid of the weaknesses I hate to have. But is it really that simple to just say I hate to be indecisive so I am going to be able to pick what I want, or what to do now.... I struggle with choice constantly....
Growth of a personality is a process.... I am just a work in progress....

when eye turn on you

My eyes are going to be scratched out of their sockets. Tears keep on falling, and the burliness gets worse with each one.
I blame it on allergies, and this dang Arizona growth season that never ends. I can handle the stuffy head, runny nose, and headache but my eyes are getting the better half of me.
No makeup, not even the little that makes it look like I am wearing none. It would be to much of a mess, when I give into the itches. I would not only be the bloodshot eyed girl, but the bloodshot eyed girl with black down her cheeks, not just under her eyes.


I am blank for ideas on what to write about. It seems like my eyes are the best thing I have to write about now. What else is there...
school--- consumes my almost every awoken moment
sleep---- all that I really want to do

I could write about the articles I have read online, or the thoughts in my head.... but that has been done before...
so for now it is about my eyes that enable me to see.. that might not last much longer.

Green me Love

Today is St. Patrick's Day...
Happy Wear Green Day! Hope that you are wearing green where someone can see it, or you will be pinched, or at least should be.
Something I found today that might help you to celebrate this holiday...

Looking for an Irish lover... well just visit
http://paddymatch.com/index.asp
it is the online dating club for the global Irish... I suppose if you aren't Irish you could lie, if you are desperately seeking an Irish mate. There are 395 people online right now!

Why not give it a try... it might not be Valentine's Day, but at least you can find some love... Irish style

spring is snow

Back in Wyoming for Spring Break... Some Spring... stepped off the airplane to snow beginning to fall. I guess that is Wyoming spring.
Not much happens here, in fact I am beginning to think that Wyoming isn't part of the world.
Even with all that I actually am enjoying all the time here with my family. It seems like the more distance I am to the rest of the people here, the better it becomes... I mean I am able to have family time, and really enjoy it.
I used to think that Spring Break was a time for trips, but now I just want to sleep. I find it hard to have the ability to get outta bed in the morning here, seems like that day was made for sleeping the entire thing away. Though I do get out just to wonder what I would be dreaming if I was still in there...
Maybe you would be in my dreams... maybe Canada would be, a place I have never been... maybe this world would be changed by a mere thought of what I was dreaming while sleeping the Wyoming day away... perhaps it would be a dream I could control.. or at least live out tomorrow
back to the spring... let the snow fall, while I stumble out of bed and make a day of what I have here

more work

Yes, I took the comments away again...
If you want to say something to me email me at
janellejennifer@gmail.com

It is something that I had to do... I guess I am just not used to the fact that I am allowing others to read my reading, much less tell me what they think about it... but I am still leaving that open in email form...

Preschool tomorrow, I have to get some sleep... The kids always tell me that they are tired, but seriously I think it is because they don't want to do the work. I mean how hard is it to cut and paste, if only my classes were about that... no I am stuck drawing.... and drawing to catch up now, everything is due before break...
Off to my world of the bed...

R-L

I am glad that things are idiot proof these days. I am not sure how I would have just put on my headphones if there wasn't the R and L on them.

Problems with easy solutions, that is what is happening to me. Everything just seems so simple that I don't even have to try to put them on the wrong way I can just check before I put them on. What is the fun in that.. No guessing and no adventure in trying to get things right on your own. I mean I had to check the headphones each time that I put them on, because even if they feel better a different way I would feel like an idiot walking around with them on the wrong ear for others to see that I didn't check.
I like the guessing game that could be from putting them on the right or wrong why. It is up to you to choice the way that you like them. Nothing is labeled, and the world still manages to make sense. I think that is because you get to figure things out on your own. Sure the majority of the time you fail on the first try, probably more. Maybe that is why we had to make problems with easy solutions, because failure is just not something that you are suppose to achieve. You won't be able to fail if they idiot proof things for you. Without failure the world has high self esteem, but what if people did the guessing game and figure them out on their own.
I did the guessing game, but I failed, so I had to resort to the easy solution, because I was going to fail again, or allow others to see my failure.

Chance of Faith

There is something about this life that I can not think of as chance. It isn't chance that I am alive. There is no chance that it would just happen that the earth would be positioned to support human life so perfectly. I am not sure how things would be able to work if everything was just by chance. Life isn't chance. It was no accident.
It seems unrealistic to me that that some can think that the beauty of this world and all the complex elements would just be considered luck. There has to be something, or someone controlling them. Faith is what I have. Faith that there is more, faith that this life wasn't chance. Faith that someday things will be better.
I know I am taking a chance on my faith, but there is so many things in this life that are way more than a chance, that faith seems like a good place to start.

Today was a like a summer day to me. When I was walking around campus I thought about how life isn't chance. I don't know how the sun could shine. It isn't luck that the weather works differently each day, or that the ground each plant lives in can support it. Life is more than a chance.
THere seems to be more than just things appearing. How can we date things, and use a day that is just by chance when the world came to be. It wasn't an accident that people are smarter than other animals, or that man rules over them...
Chances happen in sports games, or in the weather, but not in the creation of earth....

ABC's of Me

A - AGE: 19

B - BAND LISTENING TO MOST RECENTLY: Life House, and Daphne loves Derby

C - CRUSH: "I have a crush on every BOY!

D - DAD'S NAME: Robert.... Bob.... Old Man

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: depends on the day... usually my bro

F - FAVORITE BAND: I picked just one (that would be a good name for a band)

G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: I like the worms, to suck them down

H - HOMETOWN: Douglas, Wyoming

I - INSTRUMENT: piano and trumpet... although I am nothing like I used to be on either of them, which never was that good

J - JUICE: Orange, or a blend of fruit flavors. I really like Capri Sun Red Berry

K - KIDS: Make me laugh... Preschoolers for sure! Planning on having them... maybe adoption a long way down the road

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: I am going to have to say when I was being brought down here to Arizona. I just wanted to get here.

M - MOM'S NAME: Karen Jill

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2, 1 big sista and 1 big budder

O - ONE WISH: If I had a million zillion wishes..... I would choice one to let you know that.... well I would say that if I had just one wish, I would wish for a million zillion wishes, so that I would choice one to let you know that...

P - PHOBIA(S): Roller Coasters, the DARK!, under the bed (only in the dark)

Q - (FAVORITE) QUOTE: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, CLOTHE yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience...And over all these virtues PUT ON love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12,14

R - REASON TO SMILE: Outside the sun is shining, and friends are calling---- Bonus today is Friday of a long week!

S - SEXUAL POSITION: No clue cause that isn't something I have done

T - TIME YOU WAKE UP: Well around 7 am cause of work, or school.... okay usually 7:17, that is when the alarm goes off.

U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I have danced since I was 3, took classes for 14 years.

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: onions, BEETS! and many more I can't think of right now, cause I love a lot to.

W - WORST HABIT(S): wetting the pee.... hooray for pee proof mattresses. okay really I am going to say my bad habit is making messes, I just do that way to often.

X- XRAYS YOU HAD: Just bundles of them for my shoulders, and back.

Y- YOUR FOOD: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, and pasta, most any type! (not together though)

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: I don't know it.... something with an S.... ??? That stuff is BS

i fell through the hole in the middle

Yesterday I got a bag of lifesavers at the store. I thinking about how they used to have the tubes of the "centers" of lifesavers. I haven't seen those in soo long (I haven't even bought lifesavers on a long time) but the tubes were very neat. I mean the little hole the tiny little pieces came out of and everything. It got my wondering to the question I always used to ask about these "middles". Are they truly the center of the lifesavers they take out, or are they merely created just for the purpose of being the centers? Makes me think about donut holes to. I mean do they create them or just use the centers. It really bothers me that if they aren't the "true centers" when are they just wasting it. What is the center, where it it come from, and why does it have to be missing all the time.

behide the sign

Sometimes I am amazed at the things you can do in a hallway. Tonight a bunch of guys on my floor had a water-balloon in the hallway. It was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. The way that they had moved in one the target, or just had shields. I must say that I wanted to play, but it was something that I just didn't dare to do, because I am a girl. Our floor became soaked, and the water dripped down the walls, and off the ceiling.
It isn't like it was something that should have happened, and sometimes it makes you think if it could again. I am not so sure why our floor does the things they do, but I know that I enjoy the ideas that they get...
100 water-balloons, 10 boys, and a hallway....

downfall of the forced affection

Of all the things I have to do right now, blogging is not on my top 5 not even the top 10. I do this to myself, all the time. I get distracted...
I am able to be doing something for class, and remember something else that would be that much better to be doing.
That is my downfall... I could have the best time management plan ever, but I would still have this thing with getting distracted and going with the distraction over the things I have time managed into my day.

My reflection on the day that forces people to show their affection...
party with preschoolers...
If it wasn't for the party at tutoring today, I think that I would have been soo over done today that nothing would have been alright. But there is something about starting your day off with a bunch of little kids wanting to sit by you, or listen to you read or play catch with you that makes all things well.
homework time
lunch with them kids
breathe time....
class
physics for hours on end at the library...
design and human behavior, more physics
movies and pizza with them kids--- really I drew my project that is due wednesday....
Well yes that was my most eventful day....
I am not sure that I can do much more... I am not sure that I would have wanted to. I keep a focus for the most part, but I just can't seem to get back on to the homework now... now that it is really a time for bed..
I am sick of feeling like that if I don't do certain things I am going to not be included, but when I do those certain things I feel like I am looked down upon from others...
The judging is nothings new... but it is something that never seems to end... and it seems to only get worse when I think it should be getting better...
distraction and judging the downfalls of my day....

turning pregatory into a chance of a life...

Tonight I went to a winter social for IIDA (Internation Interior Design Association), and it was mostly come eat food, and then listen to a lady bash the catholics for a few hours. It was suppose to be a Catechism class. I must admit that I laughed, even though most of the time it was about something in the news. It was a comedy skit, and I am not sure how she got the idea for it. Honestly I think that she went to catholic school, learned all about the things you do for it, and yet now that she is old and all her cats have died off, she is neglected the religion that she grew up with.
It took me back the days of "Interview with Jesus" aww yes my blonde brother John and my poor attempt at a duet. What can you say, Jesus didn't like that we were questioning the Bible, therefore we never won. The lady tonight would have put my face into one of the boxes in the pregatory (SP I KNOW) section of where you go after you die chart made of felt. It was interesting to see how many people left during the shrot break. The ladies that sat next to me, where both catholics, grew up in a catholic school, and had been through it all, so I could understand them leaving, but more than half of the people did.
I am not sure if they were offended or if they just thought she was going to go on forever, cause I thought that I would never make it back to Tempe this evening.
Overall I think that she educated people on the catholic religion in a joking way, but a lot of people that haven't had the knowledge would be able to believe any of it...

i know now

Tonight was the first time that I have gotten home sick.
I just wanted so much to go and make a snowman, or to sit at a table and eat. I looked back at my photos from break, and just some others I had brought, and I began to want to go home. I know that I struggled a lot with knowing where my home was before I went back at break, but since I have been back I am able to know that home will always be in Wyoming and with my parents.
It was snowing there yesterday. I miss that. I want to be able to wear my peacoat I got on break. Since being back here it just hangs in the closet. I want to eat something that is home cooked, not out of a microwave or anything like that.
I go home in a month, for spring break. I am excited for that chance to get out of here, away from the business of the city.


But really I have an english paper I have to have done for tomorrow morn.....

had to think out why I was home sick though.... since I have never really had it before...