Friday, January 14, 2005

new feelings of nothingness

This is the new year, and I don't feel any different. Maybe I have become numb to feeling, or maybe I have just become what them dang laramie kids were calling- emo. Yeah no not that last one.
I have no resolution, I have a problem with easy solutions. I am going to just sit back and let life take me. I am letting it take me because no matter how hard I get slammed I won't feel it. I am not into feeling, I am sick of it. I am sick of feeling like someone is trying to become me, or sick of feeling like someone is meant to be mine.
I can't organize the thoughts in my head... there is so much in there. I have no exceptions for when I get back, but isn't that the best because then I won't be crushed or hurt, not like I would feel it. It seems like my idealistic head is running, and wanting to get things, but I am not allowing it to. I hate that I do that to myself. It breaks me down, and takes me over.
I open the window and then begin to breathe. The cold air is feeling my lungs. I look up to see the stars, and know that soon enough there won't be any of this. I ask a million questions, of my self, but the world doesn't matter....