Monday, February 28, 2005


I am glad that things are idiot proof these days. I am not sure how I would have just put on my headphones if there wasn't the R and L on them.

Problems with easy solutions, that is what is happening to me. Everything just seems so simple that I don't even have to try to put them on the wrong way I can just check before I put them on. What is the fun in that.. No guessing and no adventure in trying to get things right on your own. I mean I had to check the headphones each time that I put them on, because even if they feel better a different way I would feel like an idiot walking around with them on the wrong ear for others to see that I didn't check.
I like the guessing game that could be from putting them on the right or wrong why. It is up to you to choice the way that you like them. Nothing is labeled, and the world still manages to make sense. I think that is because you get to figure things out on your own. Sure the majority of the time you fail on the first try, probably more. Maybe that is why we had to make problems with easy solutions, because failure is just not something that you are suppose to achieve. You won't be able to fail if they idiot proof things for you. Without failure the world has high self esteem, but what if people did the guessing game and figure them out on their own.
I did the guessing game, but I failed, so I had to resort to the easy solution, because I was going to fail again, or allow others to see my failure.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Chance of Faith

There is something about this life that I can not think of as chance. It isn't chance that I am alive. There is no chance that it would just happen that the earth would be positioned to support human life so perfectly. I am not sure how things would be able to work if everything was just by chance. Life isn't chance. It was no accident.
It seems unrealistic to me that that some can think that the beauty of this world and all the complex elements would just be considered luck. There has to be something, or someone controlling them. Faith is what I have. Faith that there is more, faith that this life wasn't chance. Faith that someday things will be better.
I know I am taking a chance on my faith, but there is so many things in this life that are way more than a chance, that faith seems like a good place to start.

Today was a like a summer day to me. When I was walking around campus I thought about how life isn't chance. I don't know how the sun could shine. It isn't luck that the weather works differently each day, or that the ground each plant lives in can support it. Life is more than a chance.
THere seems to be more than just things appearing. How can we date things, and use a day that is just by chance when the world came to be. It wasn't an accident that people are smarter than other animals, or that man rules over them...
Chances happen in sports games, or in the weather, but not in the creation of earth....

Friday, February 25, 2005

ABC's of Me

A - AGE: 19

B - BAND LISTENING TO MOST RECENTLY: Life House, and Daphne loves Derby

C - CRUSH: "I have a crush on every BOY!

D - DAD'S NAME: Robert.... Bob.... Old Man

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: depends on the day... usually my bro

F - FAVORITE BAND: I picked just one (that would be a good name for a band)

G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS: I like the worms, to suck them down

H - HOMETOWN: Douglas, Wyoming

I - INSTRUMENT: piano and trumpet... although I am nothing like I used to be on either of them, which never was that good

J - JUICE: Orange, or a blend of fruit flavors. I really like Capri Sun Red Berry

K - KIDS: Make me laugh... Preschoolers for sure! Planning on having them... maybe adoption a long way down the road

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: I am going to have to say when I was being brought down here to Arizona. I just wanted to get here.

M - MOM'S NAME: Karen Jill

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2, 1 big sista and 1 big budder

O - ONE WISH: If I had a million zillion wishes..... I would choice one to let you know that.... well I would say that if I had just one wish, I would wish for a million zillion wishes, so that I would choice one to let you know that...

P - PHOBIA(S): Roller Coasters, the DARK!, under the bed (only in the dark)

Q - (FAVORITE) QUOTE: "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, CLOTHE yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience...And over all these virtues PUT ON love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Colossians 3:12,14

R - REASON TO SMILE: Outside the sun is shining, and friends are calling---- Bonus today is Friday of a long week!

S - SEXUAL POSITION: No clue cause that isn't something I have done

T - TIME YOU WAKE UP: Well around 7 am cause of work, or school.... okay usually 7:17, that is when the alarm goes off.

U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME: I have danced since I was 3, took classes for 14 years.

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: onions, BEETS! and many more I can't think of right now, cause I love a lot to.

W - WORST HABIT(S): wetting the pee.... hooray for pee proof mattresses. okay really I am going to say my bad habit is making messes, I just do that way to often.

X- XRAYS YOU HAD: Just bundles of them for my shoulders, and back.

Y- YOUR FOOD: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream, and pasta, most any type! (not together though)

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: I don't know it.... something with an S.... ??? That stuff is BS

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i fell through the hole in the middle

Yesterday I got a bag of lifesavers at the store. I thinking about how they used to have the tubes of the "centers" of lifesavers. I haven't seen those in soo long (I haven't even bought lifesavers on a long time) but the tubes were very neat. I mean the little hole the tiny little pieces came out of and everything. It got my wondering to the question I always used to ask about these "middles". Are they truly the center of the lifesavers they take out, or are they merely created just for the purpose of being the centers? Makes me think about donut holes to. I mean do they create them or just use the centers. It really bothers me that if they aren't the "true centers" when are they just wasting it. What is the center, where it it come from, and why does it have to be missing all the time.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

behide the sign

Sometimes I am amazed at the things you can do in a hallway. Tonight a bunch of guys on my floor had a water-balloon in the hallway. It was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. The way that they had moved in one the target, or just had shields. I must say that I wanted to play, but it was something that I just didn't dare to do, because I am a girl. Our floor became soaked, and the water dripped down the walls, and off the ceiling.
It isn't like it was something that should have happened, and sometimes it makes you think if it could again. I am not so sure why our floor does the things they do, but I know that I enjoy the ideas that they get...
100 water-balloons, 10 boys, and a hallway....

downfall of the forced affection

Of all the things I have to do right now, blogging is not on my top 5 not even the top 10. I do this to myself, all the time. I get distracted...
I am able to be doing something for class, and remember something else that would be that much better to be doing.
That is my downfall... I could have the best time management plan ever, but I would still have this thing with getting distracted and going with the distraction over the things I have time managed into my day.

My reflection on the day that forces people to show their affection...
party with preschoolers...
If it wasn't for the party at tutoring today, I think that I would have been soo over done today that nothing would have been alright. But there is something about starting your day off with a bunch of little kids wanting to sit by you, or listen to you read or play catch with you that makes all things well.
homework time
lunch with them kids
breathe time....
physics for hours on end at the library...
design and human behavior, more physics
movies and pizza with them kids--- really I drew my project that is due wednesday....
Well yes that was my most eventful day....
I am not sure that I can do much more... I am not sure that I would have wanted to. I keep a focus for the most part, but I just can't seem to get back on to the homework now... now that it is really a time for bed..
I am sick of feeling like that if I don't do certain things I am going to not be included, but when I do those certain things I feel like I am looked down upon from others...
The judging is nothings new... but it is something that never seems to end... and it seems to only get worse when I think it should be getting better...
distraction and judging the downfalls of my day....

Thursday, February 10, 2005

turning pregatory into a chance of a life...

Tonight I went to a winter social for IIDA (Internation Interior Design Association), and it was mostly come eat food, and then listen to a lady bash the catholics for a few hours. It was suppose to be a Catechism class. I must admit that I laughed, even though most of the time it was about something in the news. It was a comedy skit, and I am not sure how she got the idea for it. Honestly I think that she went to catholic school, learned all about the things you do for it, and yet now that she is old and all her cats have died off, she is neglected the religion that she grew up with.
It took me back the days of "Interview with Jesus" aww yes my blonde brother John and my poor attempt at a duet. What can you say, Jesus didn't like that we were questioning the Bible, therefore we never won. The lady tonight would have put my face into one of the boxes in the pregatory (SP I KNOW) section of where you go after you die chart made of felt. It was interesting to see how many people left during the shrot break. The ladies that sat next to me, where both catholics, grew up in a catholic school, and had been through it all, so I could understand them leaving, but more than half of the people did.
I am not sure if they were offended or if they just thought she was going to go on forever, cause I thought that I would never make it back to Tempe this evening.
Overall I think that she educated people on the catholic religion in a joking way, but a lot of people that haven't had the knowledge would be able to believe any of it...

i know now

Tonight was the first time that I have gotten home sick.
I just wanted so much to go and make a snowman, or to sit at a table and eat. I looked back at my photos from break, and just some others I had brought, and I began to want to go home. I know that I struggled a lot with knowing where my home was before I went back at break, but since I have been back I am able to know that home will always be in Wyoming and with my parents.
It was snowing there yesterday. I miss that. I want to be able to wear my peacoat I got on break. Since being back here it just hangs in the closet. I want to eat something that is home cooked, not out of a microwave or anything like that.
I go home in a month, for spring break. I am excited for that chance to get out of here, away from the business of the city.

But really I have an english paper I have to have done for tomorrow morn.....

had to think out why I was home sick though.... since I have never really had it before...